“President Biden is being attacked for $3 gasoline. But the truth is the White House isn’t to blame for high gas prices — and has few options to lower them.” — cnn, “Gas prices are above $3. Biden doesn’t have a magic wand to fix that,” via Twitter

Trump took his magic wand for energy independence and low gas prices with him?

“Calling Food ‘Exotic’ Reinforces Xenophobia and Racism.” — The Washington Post, ordering readers to “stop calling food ‘exotic.’”

Calling everything “racism” reinforces lamebrained liberal journalists.

“Global Warming Is Increasing the Likelihood of Frost Damage in Vineyards.” — Food & Wine

Thank goodness we’re not in an ice age — or the vineyards would burn up.

“You’re either somewhere or you’re nowhere. And this is a place in opposition to the flux and the ephemerality of the news and the tweets.” — Jerry “Moonbeam” Brown, on moving to his ancestral mountain home, on Twitter

Moonbeams gonna moonbeam.

“Nike is a brand that is of China and for China.” — John Donahoe, Nike ceo, to Wall Street analysts, quoted at bbc

Commies gonna commie. Swoosh!

“I’m a proud capitalist.” — Joe Biden, releasing Executive Order with 72 new regulatory directives across multiple industries, quoted at Breitbart

You are of China and for China.

“Of course, he has the right to pursue an artistic career just like any child of a President has the right to pursue a career.” — Jen Psaki, Biden spokesperson, claiming there are “safeguards” for Hunter Biden’s paintings being bought by anonymous buyers for up to $500,000, bbc

Proving just how far a parmesan cheese smoker can go. The world awaits the laptop art.

“Speaking for myself, it was a tremendous personal benefit.” — Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D, NY), on the pandemic, during which he got a $3.1 million advance for his book praising himself for his “leadership,” video via Twitter

Early peek at the script for “Godfather IV.”

“We want to do with gun violence what we just did with covid.” — Gov. Andrew Cuomo, cbs News 8

Kill old people?

“The Second Amendment from the day it was passed limited the type of people who could own a gun, and what type of weapon you could own. You couldn’t buy a cannon. Those who say the blood of uh, the, thee, the blood of patriots, you know, and all the stuff about how we’re gonna have to move against the government. Well, the tree of liberty is not watering a blood of patriots, what’s happens is, that there never been, if you wanna to think you need to have weapons to take on the government, you need F-15s and maybe some nuclear weapons.” — Joe Biden, on gun control, badly muffing both Second Amendment history and Thomas Jefferson’s quote, “The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants,” c-span

Time for stronger meds.

“I want to talk about happy things, man!” — Joe Biden, snapping at a reporter who asked him about Afghanistan, quoted at Breitbart

Sundown. It’s never easy.

“President Joe Biden ended his trip to Michigan with a trip to a local ice cream spot. He ordered vanilla ice cream with chocolate chips in a waffle cone –– and made sure to get two scoops.” — cbs News

Now he’s “happy.”

“It’s Morning in Joe Biden’s America.” — Paul Krugman, on the economy, The New York Times

It’s all ice cream and sunshine in Joe Biden’s media.

“Why Biden and Democrats Can Take Credit for an Improving Economy.” — The Washington Post

While you’re at it, give them credit for soaring food and gas prices.

“Inflation’s Silver Lining: Higher Salaries.” — cnbc

First we were told there is no inflation; then we were told inflation is “temporary.” Now: inflation is good. All within six months. Next we’ll be told celebrating runaway inflation is our patriotic duty.

“[W]hat Biden does isn’t really whispering because his vocal chords vibrate and make sound.” — Robin Lakoff (“rhymes with”), linguist, quoted in “Listen Up: Biden Speaks Volumes in a Whisper to Make a Point,” defending Biden’s creepy whispers from “critics on the right,” AP

Sure, Ms. Lakoff (rhymes with), it’s not really whispering because you know, the thing.

“When I travel around the country now, I feel as though people can breathe again.” — Jill Biden, celebrating her husband’s election, quoted in Vogue

Especially the anonymous art lovers who want to send the Bidens hundreds of thousands of dollars.

“Jill lingers on the macadam behind [Joe] in black-and-white stilettos, looking every inch a goddess at 69.” — Vogue, on Jill Biden

That’s Doctor Goddess to you.

“She is, quite simply, a joy multiplier.” — Vogue, on Jill Biden

Obedience to the Biden Media Rule: talk about happy things or you’ll be turned into stone.

“Under Trump … it felt like someone with a machine gun gunning down communities that were most vulnerable from a turret at the White House.” — Sean Penn, unhinged socialist actor, blaming Trump for covid, quoted at Breitbart

You’re just dreaming of your late buddy, Hugo Chavez. Or your ex-wife, Madonna.

“‘Law enforcement also recovered a fully constructed U.S. Capitol Lego set,’ prosecutors wrote. It’s unclear why Morss had the Lego set.” — “fbi Seized ‘Fully Constructed’ U.S. Capitol Lego Set From Home of Alleged Rioter,” report on ‘alleged insurrectionist’ Robert Morss in which prosecutors cited the Lego model as evidence in the criminal case against him, in The Hill

If they find a color photo of the Capitol in his house, he might get the chair.

“In the original detention memo, the undersigned stated that law enforcement found a ‘fully constructed U.S. Capitol Lego set.’ Please note that after a review of the photographs from the search, there appears to have been a miscommunication and that statement appears to be inaccurate. The Lego set was in a box and not fully constructed at the time of the search, as pictured below.” — correction on Robert Morss detention memo, screenshot via Twitter

Never mind. Give him the chair anyway.

“Today, flying the American flag from the back of a pickup truck or over a lawn is increasingly seen as a clue, albeit an imperfect one, to a person’s political affiliation in a deeply divided nation.” —The New York Times on the flag, “a symbol of unity that may no longer unite,” on Twitter

Cuba and Hong Kong anti-communist protesters flying the American flag is a clue — a perfect one — that the flag represents freedom the world over.

“These laws make it harder for you to vote, because they don’t want you to vote.” — Kamala Harris, on new voter integrity laws being enacted across the nation, PJ Media

No, they make it harder for you to cheat. Which is why you hate it.

“Maybe It’s Time to Admit that the Statue of Liberty Has Never Quite Measured Up.” — The Washington Post

It’s definitely time to admit The Washington Post has never measured up.

“Rep. Bobby Rush (D, IL) Proposes Renaming Interstate 57 After Barack Obama.” — nbc Chicago, on the congressman introducing the Barack Obama Highway Act as “a constant reminder of President Obama’s legacy”

Okay. But it will really be known as the “Highway to Hell.”

“The fact is 12 years of education is no longer enough to compete in the 21st century. That’s why my Build Back Better Agenda will guarantee four additional years of public education for every person in America — two years of pre-school and two years of free community college.” — Joe Biden, on Twitter

Sixteen years of pinko brainwashing. Final nail in the coffin.

Photos: Donahoe: ©2021 Shutterstock/Andrew H. Walker; Cuomo: ©2021 Shutterstock/Mary Altaffer/AP; Psaki: ©2021 Shutterstock/; Chris Kleponis/POOL/EPA-EFE; Joe Biden Mouth Open: ©2021 Shutterstock/Evan Vucci/AP; Krugman: ©2021 Shutterstock/Evan Agostini/Invision/AP; Jill Biden: ©2021 Shutterstock/Tom Brenner/AP; Penn: ©2021 Shutterstock/Catarina+Perusseau; Joe Biden Mouth Closed: Alex Edelman/UPI; Kamala: ©2021 Shutterstock/Andrew Harnik/AP; Bobby Rush: ©2021 Shutterstock/Manuel Balce Ceneta/AP