I Scream, You Scream

“Come into my ice cream parlor,” said the Taliban to the fly, er, the Man in the Aviator Shades. “Leave Afghanistan by 9/11.”

Joe took the deal. And soon these seventh-century-goatherder-soldiers were throwing themselves a victory parade, “showing off the U.S. military equipment — including Black Hawk helicopters, dozens of armored vehicles, and weapons — abandoned by U.S. troops,” reports The New York Post, “amid President Biden’s chaotic final exit from Afghanistan.”

Here’s the scoop. According to “Taliban’s New Arsenal” in The [UK] Sunday Times, the terrorists’ haul included thousands of high-value military items: Humvees, armored personnel carriers, trucks, machine guns, artillery, and much more. Not to mention the abandoned strategic jewel, Bagram Air Base, a flight away from Iran, Pakistan, Russia, and China.

Now that’s a bounty sweet enough to make any isis-cream-filled-mouth water, six ways to sundae.

Less than a month before, Benny Drama, the 20-something social media “influencer” in a skirt and acrylic nail extensions, played a fetching intern working with Jen Psaki. His Instagram video was released under White House auspices on August 9, a week before the Taliban takeover of Kabul. With the White House evidently busy with sweet nothings, the entire country of Afghanistan, where Americans had spent 20 years of blood and treasure, fell lickety-split.

On August 17, Abdulhaq Omeri tweeted a photo of smirking Taliban soldiers holding cones with impossibly tall swirled ice cream. It was widely interpreted as a sort of phallic taunt to Joe Biden, famous for his recurring ice-cream-treat outings in which the media is permitted to ask the leader of the free whirled about the flavor of the day.

On August 19, George “Steffie” Stephanopoulos asked Joe Biden to confirm, “So your military advisors did not tell you, ‘No, just keep 2,500 troops, it’s been a stable situation for the last several years, we can do that, we can continue to do that.” The President declared: “No, no one said that to me, that I can recall.”

On August 26, 13 U.S. service members were killed in an isis attack outside Kabul. Two days later, Biden’s “righteous” vengeance strike aimed at isis-k actually droned ten civilians, including seven children.

Despite the chaos, suffering, and death, Biden lauded his withdrawal operation as an “extraordinary success.” “This is the right decision. A wise decision,” Biden declared. And then, the icing on the cake. On 9/11, Biden said, “How else could you get out?”

After weeks of drip-drip-drip Afghanistan-debacle revelations came the ultimate meltdown. In sworn Senate testimony on September 28, Biden’s generals threw Joe under the ice cream truck.

“I recommended that we maintain 2,500 troops in Afghanistan,” declared General Kenneth McKenzie, Commander of the U.S. Central Command. “It was,” admitted General Mark Milley, “a strategic failure.”

That’s cold. It is also Joe Biden’s just desserts.